Dana's Animated Mind

Sometimes I sit here wondering what the hell I am doing here, and I conclude that a lot of people go through the same thing. During a conversation with a co-worker, she was left in shock of the hell I go through and still bounce back from.

Early November 2001, I started getting very ill. I know this year was known for the infamous attack on the World Trade Center, but never the less. I started having internal bleeding that would result in an Emergancy Room visit. To put it lightly, my Supervisor told me to either go home to change clothes, or go get medical attention. I chose the latter thankfully.

They kept me in the hospital overnight for observation, and considered myself stable enough to go home. They wanted me to see an Internal Medicine and Gastrointerologist, and I did one of those. My world was in a whirlwind, and so I was very confused and concern. A few weeks later I had my first colonoscopy, and they determined I had ulcerative colitis (although on that much medication, I didn't clearly hear what they said) and I was alone. I was given a prescription of Asacol, and kept working for about 6 more months in Enfield Connecticut.

Then I got sicker although the bleeding was less by consideration. I eventually returned to Arizona to live with my parents, and thought I had irritable bowels. I mean, I had doctors telling me all sort of crap, and it just didn't make any sense.

Then I got really sick once again although in consideration, I never got better. I was sitting on the floor when one of my co-workers came over, and look at me odd. Now, sitting on the floor may be consider an act of laziness, but I was pale. I had more then likely lost some blood and my blood pressure dropped a little. Finally my supervisor, who knew me when I worked before I went to Enfield, came over and looked concerned. He knew I was not lazy, and that I was honestly feeling a lot of fatigue. He sent me home, and I called a doctor.

What happened after that point was he couldn't figure out was wrong with me. The symptoms I said didn't match IBS on a generic level, so he gave me a recommendation to see another Gastrointerologist who he knew was very good. I also went on a medical leave of absence because obviously something was very wrong and I didn't know if I was in danger or not. So a month of not working went by, and I finally saw the doctor, Dr. Rock.

He did some blood work, and scheduled another colonoscopy. I went back to work, but I took it easy. At this point, I didn't officially know what I had, nor did I have any idea of the implication or impact it would have on my life. So imagine my fear, and uncertainity. At that point, my mood had became different. Depression even kicked in, and I got quite hostile. I stopped talking to my sister for over a year due to the way my mood was, and it was quite ugly.

This fear quadruple when my blood tests came back that I had a 77% chance that I have Crohns. That disease is outright nasty, but given the levels of my White Blood cells (in case you are wondering, both Crohns and Ulcerative Colitis can be detected by overactive immune systems as it thinks there is a very large infection) that was a strong possibility. So I went for my second colonscopy, but he couldn't clearly see anything so I had to do another one.

It turns out that I officially had severe active ulcerative colitis, and if I had stayed in Massachusetts (where I living from October to April), I would of died. It was that bad, and that badly treated before.

So you might be thinking that now I got an official diagnosis, it is an easy ride to get it treated? I wish.

The initial drug that I was put on was Prednisone and Asacol. Now, Prednisone was done at extremely high dosages, so if you look at the side effects you can imagine what I went through. Sadly enough, I didn't get better. So I was kept on Prednisone and put on a cocktail of colitis drug and Imuran.

Imuran is the most devastating drug I have met aside from Prednisone. Imuran in a nutshell is an immunosuppressant drug. If you want a description, I was practically an AIDS patient. While it helped me get better, it also caused more problems. I kept getting Bronchitis, and a few incidents it almost turned into Pneumonia. Think of the length of time it would take the average patient to go from Cold to Bronchitis to Pneumonia if it goes untreated. A week or two, right? Now consider I could be there in less then a day with Imuran.

On the bright side, Medical Attention is a lot easier to get when you state you are on Imuran. If you go into the Emergancy Room and say you are on Imuran and you got a bad cough, that could be considered a life or death situation. Typical wait time in the Emergancy Room has been 3-6 hours, I was seen in less then an hour that day I went for the first time. Part of it is because of the severity of the drug, and another is that they don't want me contracting anything else. From that point on, I just had my Mom call the doctor, and they easily set up an appointment.

At that point, my other Supervisor (I had two) found out the severity of what I deal with. I came to work with all right health, and then all of a sudden I am on the ladder trying to do my job and I start coughing viciously. I couldn't catch my breath, and I was all over the place. My body temperature shot up from 97 to 99.9. I was sitting down while my supervise ran to get a wheelchair, and personally take me to the hospital. Want to estimate how long I was at work? You probably think 3-4 hours. No..I was at work 30 minutes. My health failed in 30 minutes of contracting a virus.

Now I was expecting it, so don't get me wrong. The doctor admanantly told me this is what can happen, and what I need to do if it does. I told the two Human Resources, and they said tell them if I need to leave. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't have the opportunity. This is not a drug you want to bullshit with, it will kill you if you don't get yourself treated.

However, this disease had changed my life. For starters, it dropped the amount I can actually physically can do before my energy levels plummet. Before I got ill, I used to be able to work 3-5 days in a row with a lot of lifting. Then I started to fade when I got sick. I once dropped to the floor I was so exhausted, and the Human Resource was kind of condescending at that point.

"We can't keep doing this, Dana!"

Like it is MY fault. Yes, my fault that my body can't do it anymore, but it is working there that kept my insurance. Trust me, the drugs I was on were NOT cheap. So I was put on an every other day schedule. I would have one day to rest from the punishment, and do some more. Sometimes I did good, sometimes not so good.

That year, I had contracted bronchitis seven times that I can count. Usually it would take 2-3 weeks for my lungs to heal up, and I can climb ladders like nobodies business. This was true until one case I couldn't climb the ladder cause I had no breath. I ran out of antibiotics, and still couldn't catch my breath. I saw a doctor, and they said I have bronchospasm and gave me an inhaler.

Does that mean I am an asthmatic? Yes...sorta. I am not full blown where any moment I could have a really difficult time breathing, but I have moments. However, we found out how bad it was when I was at college (trying to get out of retail), I went face first into my keyboard due to a lack of oxygen. Finally someone noticed, and got the teacher over. 911 was dialed and I was rushed yet again to the hospital.

Breathing treatments and advice to followup at a later time, I was released being told my condition with my lungs were acute. It was pretty bad. So I saw my doctor the next day, and did a spirometer. I failed HORRIBLY! I was put on some more prednisone, and given a different Advair for a little while. A month later, I got to a point where I was functional, but I will continue to live on knowing that I have a problem in my lungs. Thankfully my latest bout of bronchitis, my doctor gave me a prescription for Medrol pack (prednisone in timed doses) to circumvent that.

As a result of the drugs and the disease, I got arthiritis in a majority of my joints, my activity level is signficantly less then others, and I have a badly broken jawline. Also, I shrunk a little (an inch or so). My lungs are so tampered that I can still contract bronchitis very easily, and yes, it does suck.

This is the first time I actually publically acknowledged any of these things. Usually if people asked I would tell them, but this is the first time I am letting the world know. You might wonder why I intend to gross people out like this, but I was only mildly graphical. The reason is this...

Someone said "You poor guy..", and I am told her "I am stronger because I endured it."

Think of it this way. A lot of folks can't handle the medication and drugs needed to treat my disease, and opt for a surgery. The surgery itself is risky, and can have later complication. Yes, I was at that point due to the high intensity of the pain. I have a high pain tolerance, but I have been dealing with pain that can drop a grown man to his knees for 7-8 months at that point. My doctor said hold on, let try this and if it gets to the point you are approaching acute, we will do the surgery. Thankfully, I got better.

So the fact I live to tell this story is a matter of strength. I have endured Hell, and manage to still keep coming back to Heaven.

So you are wondering what any of this has to do with animation or graphics. My answer this is the reason I do it. It gives me strength to see another day. It gives me curiousity to see where I can go to keep living. It is an outlet for my frustrations and pain. So my illness did change my life, and the way I look at making Poser. Happy Thanksgiving, I have lived one more year.