Dana's Animated Mind

One thing people might wonder about me if they caught glimpses of my mind, my work, and such. They might wonder if I am hiding something beneath the shell that looks like a Tech Support guy. The truth is I am hiding nothing.

Unlike most ideologies, I don't believe in suppressing my darker nature for any particular reason. I once did, and it nearly destroyed me. It is my belief that you need to recognize the darkness in you, and find a safe outlet. I chose a few outlets that helps balance it out. For the public, they know it is my art, but I have a few outlets only shared in private.

The idea came to my head after watching Spiderman 3. Yes, think what you want about the film, but it was interesting to see the two different personalities. It was also interesting how someone doesn't remain in control, and it drives you to the deep end.

I have known this information for a long time. When I was younger, I had experienced more then any teenager has the ability to cope with. Of course, if you read my previous blog you would think I had enough to deal with in regards to my health. The truth is I dealt with problems and issues my whole life, but manage to still come out alive.

However, when I was in my teen I always tried to keep my inner beast in. It was socially acceptable right? It was Un-Christian to think the thoughts I do. The beast has no mercy as it will break through you and start turning you into something you are really not. I have destroyed swing sets, I've gotten nasty with my parents, and pretty much the world sucked.

It wasn't until 18/19 that I started to calm down, but wasn't quite there. I came to Arizona, and then really calmed down. I also found an outlet to express what was inside. Not art yet, but I did write a lot. It help to settle me down. Thank god as I think colitis would of been harder to deal with if I didn't.

Of course, at the time I started having colitis, I was doing artwork and getting good at it. When I revisit those years, my doctor and his nurse always said I was the calmest person in my position. Remember, I had severe active ulcerative colitis. Imagine the amount of pain I was in, and I didn't display a lot of anger. Well, when it attack and started sending the pain, I swore a lot but no where close to how much they said others did. They could tell at points I was scared, and there is nothing wrong with that. When something is threatening your life, you don't have to be macho. It's ok to be scared. I think part of the reason why I was so good at being calm was I had outlets to express my fears and frustration so I didn't take it out on anybody. Well, all the time anyways. A few have been subjected to my colitis rage.

Thankfully right now I am still good, and my mental state is healthy (in comparable differences anyways). I have accepted my darkness, and I have embraced it. By doing so, I am the one in control and I am the master of this body. I think the Yin and the Yang is probably best piece of advice ever given. The balance..it is all about the balance. Without darkness, there cannot be light.